He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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