I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
