either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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