The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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