If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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