quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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