Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
