proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.