how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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