Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize