Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover