I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
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Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.