Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the condom got lost in my hair
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
