During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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