i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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