Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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