The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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