time to smoke my breakfast
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
