Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
