Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
