Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
