worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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