I puked a lego.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
