one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
