She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize