Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
