How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
