why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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