Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
