absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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