Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
