I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
