i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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