Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
