he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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