yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
