FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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