Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize