I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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