Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
