I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize