Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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