Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
