Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
