my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
