ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
