Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
