it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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