Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
