I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
