not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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