This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize