Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
