He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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