You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
