Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
