I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
