I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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