Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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