It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
