STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
