Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
