You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
