You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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