True but thats because hes a fetus.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
