Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i would punch a child for taco bell
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
