id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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