You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
