well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the condom got lost in my hair
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
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I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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