Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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